| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|01:10 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | derek | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Forever and for always--Shania Twain | ] |
Today is cool. I like today. It's an okay day. Saw Derek. Sat with Derek. Talked to Derek. Yada Yada Yada. Other than talking to Derek and going to classes, nothing much has happened.
I'm reading a note from chris right now...Well, peace.
Forever and Always
~ Shania Twain
In your arms I can still feel the way you want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms
And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't not how
I'll never see that day....
CHORUS
'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our day
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face--always
Mmmm, baby
In your heart--I can still hear
a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart
And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
CHORUS
(I wanna wake up every morning)
In your eyes--(I can still see
the look of the one) I can still see
the look of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way that you want)
The one who wouldn't put anything
else in the world above me
(I can still see love for me) I can
still see love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)
And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
CHORUS (2)
I'm keeping you forever and for always
I'm in your arms |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|01:09 pm] |
Today is cool. I like today. It's an okay day. Saw Derek. Sat with Derek. Talked to Derek. Yada Yada Yada. Other than talking to Derek and going to classes, nothing much has happened.
I'm reading a note from chris right now...Well, peace. |
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| Awesomest Weekend EVER!! |
[Oct. 31st, 2005|01:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
i got so drunk friday night. I didn't go home at all. I went to school at 6am and then after school i never went home. I bought the alcohol. I was so drunk that i was tripping everywhere. I'm not going to say what happened the rest of the night cause i don't know all of what happened. I woke up around 10 a.m. the next morning at a friends house WITH derek WITH his hoodie on IN some one's room. It was freaky! But totally awesome! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|01:47 pm] |
my sugar levels. They were 90. Just above normal. Just. I looked up hypoglycemia (which i thought that i had before) and it turns out that the symptoms are VERY similiar to those of an anxiety attack. So, i think i'm hypoglycemic since i was not under any anxiety at that time.
Well, gotta go. Time for work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|10:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
Somethings wrong. Somethings very wrong with me. During lunch i suddenly lost my appetite for my favorite food. Then my leg wouldn't stop moving. I felt hot everywhere except for my hands which were icy cold and sweaty. When the bell rang signaling lunch being over, i almost collasped because i was so dizzy. I went to the nurse last period and laid down for a hour. She said my face was pale and my blood pressure was normal (my blood pressure is NOT ever normal). After 45 minutes my leg stopped shaking and my body temp returned to normal. It felt like i was having another anxiety attack. The last one was 2 years ago. ALl the same symptoms. Fast breathing. Sweating. Restlessness.
I feel a little better right now. I just feel very out of it. |
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| Permit |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|10:08 am] |
I passed my permit test yesterday. I only miss 2 questions. One was a question about what the school crossing sign looks like. I confused that answer with the pedestrian crossing sign. But, i passed. Dad left me drive through the town that i took it in, to walmart, on the highway, home, McDonalds, and to work. I like driving. I didn't hurt no one either. Josh sat in the backseat. He said i did good and he bought me a drink. Yay.
I'm going to the away football game with Shawn friday. We have no school friday or monday. So, monday i am going to the mall with Shawn. I'm probably going to Hot Topic to get some new bondage pants. Yay. Mine are getting a little old.
Well, out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|01:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
Partner smartner. It would have helped if i would have still loved him probably.
I am going for my permit test wednesday. Woohoo. If i pass, I am going to make Josh go with me to the football game friday so i can drive since he is licensed and over 18.
That's it. |
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| Embarassed and Car |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|01:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  embarrassed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Angel----Aerosmith | ] |
Story: I was in my humanities class and I heard girl 1 of the girls at my table (there's 3 other girls) ask how big this guy was that one of the girls (girl 2) had relations with. I was like, "have you had sex yet?" to girl 1 and she's like no. And I was like, it's not all it's cracked up to be. They all looked at me. They're like, "you have?" I was like yeah…. They’re like, “Who? Do we know him?” I said yeah. Girl 1 is like “I think I know.” And she said “Does it start with…. And rhymes with…?” I just grinned girl number 2 got a wide eyed, open mouth look on her face and was like “You had SEX with ---?!” Really loudly. The next two tables in front of us just turned around and looked at us. My face was flaming red!
Car: I bought a car yesterday. My dad was talking to me about this car by the school. I took money out of the bank before it clsoed just in case i did want the car. We went to look at it and my da was like well? I was nodded at him and pulled 800 dollars out of my pocket and handed it to the car. The car is dark red, with a red interior. It's a Buick Century Custom. 1996. Good condition. Everything runs. The only thing i've found wrong so far is the rust spots. There are a few rust spots on the body. We are going to go driving soon so i can see how it handles. I already drove it, but it was only to move it so i could wash it. I still need my permit which i should be getting soon. |
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| Thanks and reports |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|10:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exanimate | ] |
Thank you guys. I feel a little better now. I had nightmares for about 3 days about what happened. I didn't have any nightmares last night because i couldn't sleep. So i cleaned my room and watched a movie.
Another one of my patients died yesturday before i came in to work. She was next door to Dan's room. I wasn't as attached to her as i was to Dan but i liked her. She was doing pretty bad for a while and then she got better 2 days before she died. So she is CTB. Now, i have 4 empty beds on my hall. *Sigh*
Hey...some good news...i am wearing a yellow t-shirt! I abandoned my usual black color for a yellow t-shirt and for work i just bought a cute set of scrubs that are blue with stars and stuff.
Well...i'm off. |
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| Bad day continued |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|01:37 pm] |
I knew that when i went to work after school that my day wouldn't improve. In fact, it got much worse. Everything was okay until 8-8:30 p.m. I went into a room to change a patient of mine. His son and wife was in there with me. My patient was acting weird, they said. And he was. I had not even gotten out the door to get my nurse when my patients son yelled for me to come back. My patient was unresponsive. My nurses came in and they were trying to find out what was wrong. It took only minutes for everything to be over. He came out of his unresponsiveness, told his family good bye and passed on.
I could not stop crying. His family kept telling me that it wasn't my fault, that i couldn't do anything to have helped him, and how i was his favorite aide. I was his aide 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. He was a sweet man. He never got mad or impatient or yelled. I am kind of close with his family also. It tore me apart to see my patients son trying to get my patient to wake up before i prepared his body for the ambulance. It just tore me in half watching his son say his name over and over and telling him to wake up. Watching him hug him and try to hard to not believe that he was dead.
My face is red as is my nose. My eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep. I kept having nightmares and waking up. I stayed with my patients family until they left. I'm in school right now and everyone's trying to get me to tell them what's wrong. I couldn't eat at lunch. I slept for about 15 minutes during 4th period. I miss my patient. He was so sweet. I am kind of glad that i have today off, because i am ready to start crying again. |
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| Bad Day |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|10:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Angel---Aerosmith | ] |
Todays a really bad day.
1st: I forgot my lunch money for school
2nd: I forgot my folder that had EVERYTHING in it on the bus
3rd: After i reported the folder, someone knocked my Chemistry notebook out of my hand and i can't find it
4th: On any bad day, my patients add to it. (I have to work today)
5th: Derek sat with his girlfriend in my area of friends and i had to watch them make out. Gross!
*sigh* I should not have woke up. Yesterday was a bad day at work too. F*$#! Sh!@, D&%n it. *Sighs heavily*
I'm out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 16th, 2005|01:25 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | derek | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hole in my Soul---Aerosmith | ] |
TGIFF: Thank god it's fuckin friday! LoL. I'm going to the football game tonight at 7. My sisters friend told me that Drake (new intrest) is going to call me today. I've never met the guy and i've never talked to him before. He is my sisters friend and they (my sis and her friend) are trying to set me up with him.
Today: I was begging people to go buy me cigs that were 18. I haven't had one for a while and after last night, i need one. I went and asked Derek and he said some lame answer about not wanting his football coach to find out and risk getting in trouble. I said whatever and i found 2 people who will do it. Awesome. Then, i just got the 1st person to agree to do it when i felt my chair being yanked and dragging me with it. I turned around, figuring it was Shawn Dawg but it wasn't. Guess who it was. Derek. I was in shock. I hardly ever talk to him or have anything to do with him. Usually i just talk to his girlfriend (my friend). Whatever.
Last night was terrible at work. At first, it started out fine. The physical therapy guys were teasing me. I was pushing a patient into the activity room where i feed 6 of the people with difficulty eating. The activity room is also the therapy room. Well, Michael and George (two therapists) were in there doing paperwork. Michael saw me come in and he looked at George and said, "Here's someone to feed you." George grinned and turned and make "kiss kiss" lips at me. I flamed. My face was SO red! Then, Michael, being the uncouth man that he is commented on my blush. I was like "No!" and dashed out. God, those guys need to get laid. LoL.
Then, it just all went downhill from there. Work was just very, very stressful. I was so ready to just walk out. If i didn't have a contract binding me to there, i probably would've walked out. One of my patients commented to me that i look like i need a beer. I told him that after that night was over, i'd do a keg stand. It was terrible. |
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| Short entry before class |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|01:08 pm] |
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Nothing much up. Not much to post. I have to work today. Whoppee. On friday i am going to the football game. (Our high school). Later. |
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| Phone tag |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|10:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Last Resort---Papa Roach | ] |
Michael, yeah. Josh told me that you called. I was at work Saturday. I go to work at 2. I usually have Mondays and Fridays off. Usually. I can never be reached on weekdays cause i have school and then immediately, work. You called on Sunday exactly 22 minutes after i left for work (I had to go early). I'm going to try and call you sometime today. What's your general work schedule?
On Saturday, i got home from work and my dad's like. "Oh, yeah. Michael called." It took me a seocnd because i couldn't figure out who Michael was and then it hit me that i called you Michael instead of Mikey in my posty. Lol. I'm so blond sometimes.
Well, peace out and i'll try to catch up with ya. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|01:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
Thank you, Michael for your comment. There are only a few times that I really open up and my journal is a great thing to space on. I can only space in my writing. I very rarely space to people. I'm just a word type person. My feelings really come out in my poetry, but i can only write when i am depressed. I'm a very depressing person. LoL.
Oh, Mikey guess what. In my computer class, we are designing websites and making data sheets and stuff. I'm going to be a smart person in computers. I already am. Anything electric is my best friend. Well, I'm out. Thanks Michael.
By the way, you can call my house anytime you want. I can't guarentee that i'll be home because i work 5 days a week. Usually i have mondays and fridays off. And i go to school until two. But, call me sometime, anytime. If i'm not home tell whoever your name and i'll call you back when i can. You still have my number, don't you? |
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| Memories |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|01:22 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | important entries | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | See you on the other side----Ozzy Osbourne | ] |
Every morning my bus drives by the spot where the accident happened. Every morning i hear Dustin playing the song "See you on the other side" by Ozzy Osbourne. Every morning I can hear that song in my head as i see myself standing at Jakes memorial. Every morning is the same. A painful memory of what happened to Jake 2 months ago. Seering pain rips through my soul as i see his face and rigid body in my head. I can see his face, deviod of expression, his eyes closed. When i see his article on my wall, i crash. When i see a bike, i freeze. I don't think that i can ever get on a bike again or hear that song without remembering him. Every day, i expect to see Jake walking out of his class to walk with me.
Enough thinking. Let's update.
I dyed my hair black/blue last night. That's it. I'm out. Peace.
See you on the other side By Ozzy
Voices, a thousand, thousand voices
Whispering, the time has passed for choices
Golden days are passing over, yeah
I can't seem to see you baby
Although my eyes are open wide
But I know I'll see you once more
When I see you, I'll see you on the other side
Yes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side
Leaving, I hate to see you cry
Grieving, I hate to say goodbye
Dust and ash forever, yeah
Though I know we must be parted
As sure as stars are in the sky
I'm gonna see when it comes to glory
And I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side
Yes I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side
Never thought I'd feel like this
Strange to be alone, yeah
But we'll be together
Carved in stone, carved in stone, carved in stone
Hold me, hold me tight, I'm falling
Far away. Distant voices calling
I'm so cold. I need you darling, yeah
I was down, but now I'm flying
Straight across the great divide
I know you're crying, but I'll stop you crying
When I see you, I see you on the other side
Yes. I'll see you. See you on the othe side
I'm gonna see you. See you on the other side
God knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeah
I'll see you. See you on the other side
I'm gonna see you. See you on the other side
God knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeah
I wanna see you, yeah, yeah, yeah, see you on the other side
God knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeah
I'm gonna see you. See you on the other side |
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| One week down |
[Sep. 6th, 2005|01:41 pm] |
I just had a 3 day weekend since yesturday was labor day. I worked yesterday so i got time and a half. So i ended up making around 12 dollars an hour. I'm off today so i have study hall next period.
I am bored. Surprise!
I went to our high school game friday with Josh. We won. All the senior players rang the bell, I gave Derek a hug and told him good job, and then i walked to Circle K to hang out for a while till curfew. What a gay name! Who names a store the "Circle K"? It makes our town sound more hick than it already is. Jesu.
I'm out. LAter guys. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|01:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
What's up? It's friday. Thank god! I'm off today. How about, i just learned that i have a class that i didn't know about. Evidently, i've been skipping it for the past 5 days. LoL. Well, this is just a short entry. Later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|01:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
Mike, i replyed to your comment. My comment is below yours.
Today i have a senior meeting. Eh...but, i'm not going...I has to work. Maybe i'll go for like 3 minutes and then i'm out.
Today wasn't really eventful. I have a slave. LoL. One of my friends said he'd be my slave. He's going around saying "Don't look at slave like that." and "Don't forget to water slave." LoL. He is so weird. He likes the fact that i have a whip. :P
I have a boyfriend? My sisters friend told me that her friend, some guy that she told me about and told him about me keeps saying that he thinks of me as his girlfriend. Oookay. At least he's older than me. Like 18? I think. I dunno. Maybe i'll ask him to homecoming. homecomings at the end of the month. So soon. Hmm...
I'm out. PeAcE, dawgs. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2005|01:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ozzy Osbourne---Voices (for Jake) | ] |
Well, nothing much new here. It's a study hall in this class today.
I woke up late for school today. I usually wake up at 6 a.m. but i woke up at 7 a.m. School starts at 7:30. The bus already went. I called a friend...not mentioning any names...(*cough*SHAWN*cough*!) who has a car. I was going to ask him to pick me up. I called his cell but his cell was not being answered. (It was probably in his car since he hates me) *grin* Just playing. ANyway, i had to book it to school. I ran so fast that i couldn't breathe. Eh. But, i made it. It took me 15 minutes.
What's today? Tuesday. Alright. Tomorrow is 'stub day'. I get my pay stub and by 9 a.m. on Thursday, my check is directly deposited. I am saving my money for this car that i am interested in. (I still don't have my license. I am mailing my info for my permit in now). The car is a 1996 Buick Regal. It's red with a red interior. It's body and stuff is in really good shape. It's selling for $2900. Problem: I only have 200 plus dollars currently because i just loaned my step mom and dad $2 grand for a jeep that they bought. I should get the money soon. I hope that the car isn't gone. If so, oh well. There are a few other cars that i was looking at that are okay, but not great.
Alright, i'm out. I have some government homework to finish and i don't have time to do it tonight because of work. Later guys. |
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psychopuppy666's journal
crushed